Thoughts on Marriage After Two Years

That hardest part is starting, right?  So I’m just going to start this post and see where it goes.  I’ve been mulling it over in my head.  I reread last year’s post for inspiration.  Still, I basically got nothing.

Last year I had a lot to write about because things were so hard and then, in the end, things were going great.  This year was pretty uneventful.  In a word, it was wonderful Absolutely wonderful.

We laughed.  Mostly at ourselves, our dogs, at dumb things like farting or hiding from bats.  We laughed so we didn’t cry when June stole an entire freshly baked pie off the kitchen counter before Brian tasted a single bite, and again when we could only get one TV channel and the internet was out.

Thank the Lord, we didn’t cry much this year.  I cried occasional tears of happiness and relief when things were going so well and coming together so nicely.  I still shake my head when I look around and see all that we have accomplished together here on the farm.

Do we fight?  Of course.  Here’s how pretty much every fight went this year:  One of us would say something to the other in a louder than normal voice due to frustration from stress or a difficult project.  The other person would flip out for being unfairly yelled at and yell back loudly that you’d better not yell at ME!!! Then the original yeller typically would apologize for accidentally yelling (or insist that they didn’t yell at all but they are sorry if you took it that way) to which the responder would declare how proud they are of themself for keeping their temper in check and would you please remember to do the same even though it is hard?  And I think those fights happened maybe three times all year.

We have the typical little spats like “I can’t believe you left the shower curtain open AGAIN!!!!” but for that type of stuff we’re both pretty much in the habit of saying, “Ok, I know you don’t mean to do this I just want to mention it so you realize you did it…”.  When we have bad “moments” it’s pretty typical to catch us kissing and apologizing the next time we see each other.

I am so excited to be at the point where the honeymoon is over, we know what we’re working with, and we’re still in love.  It may sound cliche but I am married to my best friend.  We’re on the same page with money and that has forced us to work together in a whole new way.  We have the same goals, the same dreams even. Okay, except I don’t want tractors that cost as much as the farm and Brian doesn’t want a dozen children.  But that’ll work out, right!?

If you have any specific questions or ideas for discussion on marriage let me know.  How was your marriage at the two year mark?  How is it now?

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11 thoughts on “Thoughts on Marriage After Two Years

  1. Farmer's Daughter

    Haaaaaaaa! Well just to let you know, 6 years in and our monthly tractor payment is only $10 less than my car payment and we only have 1 baby so far! 🙂

    As I recall, year two was a pretty good year for us. We were still living on the farm in the apartment over my parents’ garage and hadn’t started building our house yet. I think we were not sure where we’d live yet but had the common goal of saving for a house, and with almost no bills and two full time jobs we were rolling in money! Good thing, cause we’ve spent it all now! There wasn’t much to fight about except over houses we looked at, since I would always get so excited about them and then we’d look and I’d wind up so disappointed! This was before the real estate bubble burst and so the houses we could barely afford were barely livable. That was depressing and I focused on giving Ed subtle hints we needed to build… and look where we ended up!

    I’m so happy for you guys that you had a generally happy year. Isn’t it amazing how much you can accomplish together? I’m married to my best friend too, and I think the feeling of being in life together, on the same team, with common goals is one of the best feelings there is! Laying down at night next to your best friend and knowing you’re both there for the long haul is amazing. (Well, for us there’s a baby in the middle now when we go to sleep!)

    Reply
    1. marriedtothefarm Post author

      Your first line is hilarious!! We were really close to one of those tractor payments once. Brian had the brochure and that dreamy look in his eye and everything. It was scary! Men & tractors!!!

      I love your last paragraph about laying down at night with your best friend. It is wonderful!

      Reply
  2. Patrick Ewing

    So I was reading this because I saw the title on facebook and well I am kind of a sucker when it comes to reading other people’s thoughts about marriage. My wife and I have been married for over five years and we have more responsibilities working full time and being youth pastor/wife than ever before. However I’ve found that we get along the least is when we stop thinking about each other and start thinking about ourselves. The minute that I stop thinking about my wife and telling her what is going on with me or how I feel, yeah feelings, we tend to struggle as a team. Throughout the last five years I sometimes have to remind myself that I got married because I love Crystal and that love is about giving and selflessness. Thankfully her and I are both on the same page about most things and that makes it a bit easier. I will admit, two years feels a lot like the five years we have been married. It’s nice to see that things seem to be going well for the both of you. Also its not about being in love, its about continuing to love…

    Reply
    1. marriedtothefarm Post author

      You are so right, I don’t understand when people say they “fall out of love”. Love is something you do, not something that just happens. I also agree that we need to put our spouses first. That will only work if both partners are committed to it. It is a wonderful feeling when Brian considers how things may affect ME before I even think of that. Here’s to many happy years for both of us! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Angie

    Hi Jena,

    Congrats! Trust me, it gets better. In fact, it gets much, much better. In November, we will be married for 14 years and we are happier and more secure in our relationship with each other than ever.

    Reply
  4. Amanda

    I laughed out loud when I saw the shower curtain comment! Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and think: is it really worth yelling at Brian for leaving it open… or leaving the shower head on so I get sprayed with freezing water when I try to turn it on?

    My goal in year two was to conquer my irritation with the little things.

    Reply
    1. marriedtothefarm Post author

      Hehehe I’m glad I’m not the only one. Not only does it get mildewy when it’s closed but our shower isn’t the prettiest thing to look at either. I remember hearing a radio show my Dr. Randy Carlson years ago and there were 3 levels of discontentment in marriage. He said if you’re at the level where the toilet seat, etc. is what you fight about you’re doing pretty good. I hope so! 🙂

      Reply
  5. Jenilee

    yeah for a happy 2 years! congrats 🙂 and keep doing what you are doing, putting God first, keeping your friendship, working together and it will stay that way! 🙂

    Reply
  6. Terry aka Goatldi

    Hope you two had a wonderful anniversary!

    We will celebrate our 39th in a few weeks. How is it different from # 2 ? Let me count the ways.

    #2 it was me, him and a dog.
    #39 it is me, him, two dogs, 6 cats, 19 dairy goats, 9 hens,1 rooster,two children, two spouses, 4 granddaughters , did I mention the 20 feeder fish in the pond?

    In the 37 years in between there have been a multitude of critters more, three more homes. Do we have another farm in us? We will find out!

    Reply

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